💞80. fractured convictions

session 80 • june 06 2023 • 2,102 words

HOOOO boy this is a dramatic little session

🌑 NIGHT 26 • 📅 MARPENOTH 16

The Clothes Off Our Backs

After dividing up our haul from the previous day, we set up camp.

Soren gives the clothes from the cart to the party, but they in turn give the clothing to the children instead. Soren is visibly annoyed by this, pointing out that the children die if the warriors of the group (the party, Nezznar) become ill or compromised.

Sildar attempts to reason with Soren that the children deserve to stay warm. Soren snaps at Sildar, saying that "you keep trying to talk things out with me, when all you really do is wear me down until I agree to whatever you're saying!"

Sildar is left speechless and saddened at this outburst. Soren allows the party to give away their clothes, but remains bitter about it.

Celebration Feast!

Soren, in an uncharacteristically inefficient and wasteful use of the Alchemist Jug, creates beer instead of water, citing the discovery of the cart as a cause for celebration.

He delivers a small charismatic speech to the prisoners—hiding his displeasure from earlier about the party sharing resources with them—and encourages them to celebrate.

We fry up the rest of our fish and mushrooms, as well as some of the Umber Hulk bugmeat.

Soren begins trying to pressure Sildar into drinking and enjoying a good time. Sildar refuses stoutly, noting that he needs his wits about him in this dangerous area. Soren then turns to Nezznar, offering him a drink instead. Nezznar accepts.

Not So Celebration Feast :(

Soren begins urging the party to indulge in the food and drink, then personally dresses up a plate of bug meat for Sarith. Sarith is insulted by the offering and asks Hugh for mushroom instead—Soren bitterly says that Sarith "will eat what he's given".

Sarith calls Soren out for acting like the leader of the group. When Soren asserts that he is the leader, Sarith taunts him that "when a slave gets a little bit of power, it's only natural that he milks it for all he can".

Soren, in turn, retorts that Sarith is "a stupid little soldier who lost his temper, killed his friend and lost everything because of it".

Sarith gets in Soren's face in anger, and the two begin to argue. Hugh tries Sarith's bug steak and agrees that it's awful and that Sarith shouldn't need to eat it. Will gets up and tries to calm both of the drow down.

Soren, surprised that the party isn't backing him up, annoyed at the party's previous refusal to prioritize themselves and still stung from Will's "tyrant" comment from before, tries to use the Command spell to force Sarith to eat. Sarith saves against the spell.

The New Leader

Hugh demands the "leadership position" from Soren. Soren is about to play along, but Hugh immediately and seriously threatens Soren, saying that he would be willing to fight Soren for it.

For a moment, Soren genuinely considers fighting Hugh for it, but backs down, refusing to attack someone in the party willingly. He says that Hugh can make all the decisions for the group from now on.

Hugh claims that his first verdict as leader is that "Sarith needs to be treated like a normal member of this group and not forced to eat Shitty Food", and then promptly gives up his leadership position back to Soren.

Soren is fuming.

Beneath Your Feet

Sarith continues to goad Soren, warning the party that Soren's tyrannical tendencies will soon extend to them, and that he would begin to start making commands of the party.

Soren, recognizing that his anger is threatening to spill over to the party, attempts to walk away with the Bag of Holding (....for extra pain, he's going to go mash his Bluecap to make a cake for Will :))

Seeing Soren try to leave with their bag, Will once again attempts to physically pull Soren back.

Transcript

Will: Soren, we're supposed to be friends. We shouldn't be doing this.

Soren: Why are you telling me this? I'm not the one... (sigh) What use is it? I'm the one trying to keep us together. I'm the one trying to keep us *alive*!

Will: We all are. We just need to stick together.

Soren: By that, you mean I have to change? I have to back down? I have to relinquish every scrap of power I have gained in the past month?

Will: (sighs)

Soren: Otherwise, why are you telling ME this? Why are you not talking to Hugh or Sildar? They're the ones disagreeing with me at every turn.

Will: I'm just worried about you.

Soren: What the Hells does that mean? Just tell me what you want me to do.

Will: ...I don't know anymore.

Soren: You don't know? So what was the point of stopping me? You just want me to change, to back down. All of you do. Just say it straight to me. Stop taking the middle-ground. It makes you look weak.

Will (looking hurt): Why are you calling me weak? ...We're a group, and...

Soren: That's it, then? You're just going to repeat the same thing over and over again? We're a group, we're a group of surfacers, so you have to conform, Soren. Is that what you're trying to say?

Will (shakes hands in the air / shrugs): Yeah. That's it.

Soren: Fine. You all can call the shots and you all can decide everything.

(Soren begins to walk away.)

Will (trying to stop Soren): That's not (sigh) That's not what I mean. I just don't-- I just..

(Soren stops)

Will: It just feels like nothing can ever be right.

Soren: What does that mean?

Will: ...

Soren: What does that mean, Willow?

Will: It's just that you... I don't know. I get not trusting Sarith, but it just seems like you're enjoying it.

Soren: I'M ENJOYING THIS? You think I'm ENJOYING this?

Will: ...No? I mean, we could have just given him some mushrooms or something.

Soren: Why? Then who gets the insect meat?

Will: ...I mean, we can--

Soren: Eldeth, who has been trying to help us fight? Buppido, who has been protecting the children? Shuushar, who healed you? Someone has to suffer, Will, and I'd rather it be the idiots who haven't done anything for us. Do you understand? We don't all get to come out on top! Have you accounted for THAT, in your incessant middle-grounding?

Will: ...I mean, we can eat them eventually?

Soren: So you? You're offering? You are offering to take on the burden again?

Will: Yeah I mean, we could? Like Hugh said, we can just eat it when we have nothing else.

Soren: What difference does it fucking make? What difference does it make? Do we feed it to Sarith then? Or do we feed it to that hulking, useless lump of orc flesh?

Will: ...Soren--

Soren: No, answer me, if we eat it later, who eats it?

Will: We all do.

Soren: WHY? WHY do WE have to suffer?

Will: Because..... I don't know.

Soren: You don't know? That's the first right thing you've said so far. You don't know ANYTHING. I'm the only one here strong enough to do what needs to be done. Who else here can lead? What, Hugh and his stupid rules? Or you, and your middle ground? What do you even know of the Underdark? What do ANY of you know? Do you think about what happens, miles and miles beneath your feet? The humiliation, the injustice, the pain, do you ever spare us a thought?

Will: ...No. Not at all. I don't ever think about it. Or the people who are stuck here.

Soren: Well then, sincerely, I am glad that you've been able to live your life in such comfort.

Will: Just go.

Soren: Well, I'm so glad that I finally have your permission.

Will: (sits by the fire)

Soren: (leaves, pursued by Nezznar)

Summary

Will reminds Soren that the party needs to stay together.

Soren wonders why Will's only ever on his case about this, rather than trying to get the rest of the party to be more agreeable. Soren concludes that it's because he's not "surfacer" enough for the rest of the party, and that they just want him to change.

When Will does not transparently tell Soren what he wants, Soren gets increasingly angry about Will's tendency to "take the middle-ground"—largely incited by his past with Zaara, Nezznar's younger sister and his old friend, with whom he became disillusioned with due to her seeming complacency and disinterest in power that could free Soren from slavery.

Will suggests that the entire group can share the insect flesh that Sarith refuses to eat. Soren demands to know why the party (and prisoners who are pulling their weight) should suffer while Sarith, a former Velkynvelve guard, gets to dictate who eats what.

As Will fails to give Soren an answer he is satisfied with, Soren erupts into a tirade about how the party is too weak to do what needs to be done, and demands to know if Will even knows or thinks about the Underdark while living a comfortable life on the surface.

Will, inflicted with demonic madness, is compelled to lie and say that he doesn't care about the suffering in the Underdark. Frustrated, Soren storms off and is followed by Nezznar.

Devil On Your Shoulder

Soren curls up behind a boulder to avoid the rest of the party. Nezznar quickly catches up with him. Soren braces himself for Nezznar to gloat, noting that NEzznar must have enjoyed the show.

Surprisingly solemn, Nezznar says that he did not--and that the surfacers are important to keep around, chiding Soren for giving them control.

Soren notes that the surfacers seemed to hate seeing everything Soren did with that power. Nezznar reminds Soren that their survival is more important than their emotions.

Soren breaks down, admitting that he doesn't want the party to hate him--saying that the party saw him as "one of the good drow" and that he didn't want that opinion to change. Again astonishingly gently, Nezznar reminds Soren that "the only good drow is a dead drow"--playing on the surfacer saying, except he means "morally good drow tend to die the fastest".

Nezznar continues to (seemingly) try to comfort Soren, noting that "emotions are only burdens to your survival. I would not be here today if I listened to mine. They have no place in our lives." Nezznar admits that he did not enjoy all of the things he had to do as a noble.

Soren is astonished that Nezznar might not have enjoyed ALL the pain and torment he inflicted. Nezznar admits that he enjoyed some of it lmao.

Soren recounts how it was easier on the surface, and how the party seemed to love him then and saw something special in him. Bitterly, he realizes that their interactions with Sarith prove that "they'll see something special in any drow".

Nezznar decisively tells Soren that he needs to choose between what he cares about most: the party's love, or the party's lives.

He reminds Soren that the party will only ever see him for what he is, a drow, and be wary of him for it--that Soren knows what needs to be done, and that he needs to be willing to sacrifice the party's favor to make tough decisions in order for the party to see the sun again.

Devastated, Soren wonders if he made the wrong choice, and if there truly isn't a place for him on the surface with the party.

Nezznar affirms that "they will always disdain us".

Re-Gifted

Soren expresses thanks at Nezznar checking in on him. Nezznar tells Soren that he's strong enough to get through this. ; ;

Surprised at Nezznar's sudden softness, Soren wonders how Nezznar is doing --having lost his ability to cast. Nezznar says that his casting was "all he had, all of his worth". Soren tries to comfort Nezznar, but Nezznar is just bitter about the shame and humiliation of his transformation.

Nezznar comments on how strange it is to be receiving advice from Soren. Soren reminds Nezznar that he's given him plenty of advice, he just had to phrase it carefully like he wasn't LOL. Nezznar begrudgingly compliments Soren's intellect.

Emotional and touched, Soren impulsively returns Nezznar's Ring of Spell-Weaving to him--the one that Nezznar gave Soren to kill Sildar with, back at the start of the campaign, noting that with this, he could at least cast a little.

Nezznar is subdued but extremely surprised about this. He accepts the ring.